Today I woke up and told Jared 10 more minutes. “No don’t set another alarm just wake me up in 10 minutes.” This was my way of saying “I don’t want to take responsibility for existing yet so if you could please take over that for a moment or two I would greatly appreciate it.” He did. He’s pretty good like that. Although, in an obnoxiously punctual manner he was back in the room 10 minutes later threatening to rip the sheets off the bed.
We showered together. We always shower together. It’s not a sex thing, well I mean sometimes it’s a sex thing but mostly its just a codependent thing, or a water conservation thing or time thing. The shower malfunctioned, which it frequently does. We live in an old building with a vindictive bitch of a hot water system. From time to time you may experience mild 2nd and 3rd degree burns but it is nothing too concerning. We have just become incredibly alert and agile shower takers; perfectly adept at throwing ourselves against opposing walls at a moments notice (the hot water has a tell and always lets out a small sigh before attacking). This is, in part, why the shower is mostly not a sex thing. Too dangerous.
We are out of cereal so we were forced to cook proper breakfast food. Curried tofu scramble with kale and baby portabellos, sweet potato home fries and toast made with GF almond bread (which is terrible unless you make it into toast in which case it is actually good).
I have recently gone Gluten Free as a result of severe bloating which made me look 4-6 months pregnant and caused me to constantly unbutton my pants in public (which is actually quite freeing but limits your choice of shirts to long flowy things) and release a lot of frequently loud yet oddly odorless gas. I have also already been a vegan for over three years so now I am a gluten free vegan… it is ok if you think I am crazy because I would have thought I was crazy 4 years ago too. Gluten free vegan is not easy there are frequently things that are vegan but not GF and GF but not vegan etcetera and consequently, yes, my options are limited as far as alternatives go but I am eating quite well.
A short list of vegan gluten free foods which do not hold up to their wheaty brethren: Bread -v/gf bread sucks unless, as stated above, you toast the shit out of it, wraps (which are basically bread) – they are either made out of corn and necessarily tiny and coarse or they are made out of brown rice and they rip in half if you look at them with too much pressure, Mac N’ Cheese -v/gf boxed stuff tastes like dirt and I miss the vegan mac at local sprouts (a nearby co-op) with a fiery passion that burns deep in my languishing-cheese-starved-vegan soul, Pasta– while asian rice and bean thread noodles are delicious italian style GF knock-offs come out sticky and heavy seemingly across the board. Beer (its a food)- I want an IPA and Cider just aint the same and Glutenberg is terrible. Its a tragidy truly
Vegan/ Gluten Free Success Stories: Trader Joe’s gluten free granola: glorified corn flakes tossed in with whole almonds, walnuts and cranberries. nom. Avocados: you are my life blood, Hummus: you are my rock, Santitas 2$ only: thy name sayeth it all, Nutritional yeast: powdered cheese in a delightfully vegan naturally occurring form – don’t let the name throw you; its delicious and addictive, Aqua Del Piedra: “Rock Water” cheap Malbec that doesn’t suck but will give you a trendy hipster wine-o statche. Really the key has just been sticking to whole foods (complete foods in their untampered form not the store) and staying away from substitutes, which generally fall short and are overpriced.
We kissed over breakfast, which is harder than it sounds because our table is rather oblong and there was some awkward straining involved. I cleared things, Jared did dishes, I made the bed, I mock humped Jared from behind while he did dishes to display my dominance, he retaliated, I put away some laundry. We are very domestic.
“Have a good day, Beau!” xo
Post Graduation Days 